I really very pissed off again. Seems like I am really easily irritated. Is it me or my job or my co. that is the problem source???

Just now, My PM, F called me. I was pondering to picked up this call or not since I know it will definitely not be something good. Since I was never his favourite. Or should I say I was never anyone’s favourite. I still decide to do something good by picking up his phone.

However, it doesn’t always pay being kind. He fucking scold me regarding that Jurong Island job again. He really dun remember or understand that this project was never mine in the first place. I helped that Ms J when she was too busy. End up I got a lot of shit things. Not a thank you for any of them and start scolding me when something turn wrong. Is it my fault for being kind and help? Or is it my fault that the transmittial that is not done by me went wrong?

This kind of job is getting more and more unbearable. I really hate and can’t stand him anymore. If you know me, I will help you if you talk to be nicely. Instead of roaring at me!!!

Please go and see my past, did I try to push away my work? Since you think Ms J is the only one working, please get her to do instead of saying, “Emily you are the one doing this project.” He could have say in a nicer tone. If you really dun have enough engineer, please get more!! He is really a asshole. I HATE HIM!!! FUCK OFF!!

I never know what is so sensitive what bonus. I am been thinking to blog this topic out or not. I still decide to blog it out since I am not planning to let my collegue knows this blog.

Back to the topic. I used think if you work hard, your bosses will give you good bonus. The last time naive me think very simple way. Or maybe those not working as hard will get lesser bonus. However, after working, I know things are not it seems like so simple, in the evil adult working world, your PR skill must be good and also in boss’s good books. Just like one of my collegue, Ms J. (Sorry real names will not be disclosed)

To me, she is not that hardworking. She can talk on the phone with her bf and smoke 1 – 2 times per working day. Nowadays she facebook and surf net. I do snake during work but apparently, her bonus will still be more than me. I am not comparing amount but the month. 1st year I got lesser because it is my first year. 2nd year I got half a month lesser than her and 3rd year I still got half a month lesser.

Does it mean that I am not working as hard as her? It just shows that working hard is not the only thing that decides your bonus. Anyway, we are not as close as before already. Not really because of the bonus that I am bitter. It is actually her way of working. I seriously think she need to do something. I dun like her when she say I dun know how to do As built drawing. HELLO!! Do I look like I know? I only learned it when I worked here. Slowly, I start to not be kind hearted and hard working.

This year, as expected, my bonus is still lesser than her by half month. Her pay is of course higher than me. Hence, the amount she got I dun really want to compare but I think my co. should really be a bit fair to me. But then again, bonus is supposed to be private and confidential. So I am really considering to change job if I have a better one.

Due to some reasons I closed down my previous blog. I really regretted closing it. Actually I deleted it. I am very upset that I no longer can read my past. At different stage of life, the way u look at things changed. Hence, it is always amusing how I can think so simple in those naive days.

I decide to do a blog. Since I do not have much friends left, I think my honesty doesn’t matter anymore. I dun need to bother how other people think of my strange thinking. I decide to separate my blog into 2. This blog shall be only about me and any other things except the love part. I have opened another blog as a record of my love. It is more of a love journey blog. I might have some love to share here from time to time.

So let’s put our hands together to welcome me, Lady Airmeli to start my blogging again.