I have to write a disclaimer first before being misunderstood again. I do not mean Kk is not treating me well or whatever strange things in your mind that say someone torture me. Nothing of this sort ever happen and I happy with my life now too.
I guess I never ever thought that I will type something like this out. I have been trying to control this feeling. Honestly, I really wondered did my parents and brothers ever miss me during my absence from home. I have progress to next part of my life, I know I shouldn’t look back and for the past 25 years, I rarely look back at my life. I do miss the old times with my friends but I always tell myself, life will be even better from now on. Maybe my life is really too perfect, I think it is better now. I miss my life without them, I miss squeezing bed with my brothers, I miss my mum’s food, I miss my dad’s morning call, I miss all the past 25 year’s of my life with them. I guess living with them for 25 years have cultivated some habit and living lifestyle that is hard to change. Kk still complain me of loving my bed and don’t get up on time. This is somehow something I can’t change. I do not need to do housework last time, (Okay, I always tried to escape it) but now I am doing it daily. I am changing myself day by day.
I actually miss my mum on the 2nd day when I was at Hong Kong. Life with Kk is great, he is a great husband and a loving one. However, I never knew the importance of them in the past. I was very independent from young, I know what I am supposed to do and what I am not supposed to do. I come from a not so well off family and my mother is not working so with my dad’s less that 2K income, it is really tight for my mum to manage it. Therefore from young, I know I can never be spoilt and ask for something that belong to a want and not a need. I always thought I do not need them and I always rely on myself.
I thought I will just move on my life just like how I did from young but I was wrong, I really can’t do it. I guess I need time to adapt ba.
I miss my family… I know I can still see them but living with them is no longer possible. I have to move on… Fighting!!